To The Mom Who Doesn’t Feel Beautiful
I remember watching What Not To Wear with my mom and sister when I was in high school.
The story line was pretty much always the same- a mom with multiple kids who had no time to herself, and she had let herself go.
I remember watching this and thinking, “There is no way that will be me. I’ll always make sure I find time to myself everyday.”
Wasn’t I just the cutest?
While I definitely don’t think I qualify for What Not To Wear (I like the think I can still dress kinda cute), I am definitely a lot more sympathetic to those harried mom’s than high school me was. Although each day is different, in my current season of life there are definitely less opportunities for showering and beautifying.
Sometimes I end my day in the same clothes I started in (the day before), I have multiple unidentifiable stains on my sweatshirt, and my hair is beyond the help of dry shampoo. I wake up in the middle of the night to nurse Zoey and can literally smell how bad I stink. (Thankfully my husband has a really terrible sense of smell.) On these days, y’all, I don’t end my day feeling beautiful. I end them feeling exhausted and hungry and smelly.
There are other days. The days Oliver has preschool and Zoey naps for two hours. The days I shower, do full make-up, curl my hair, and still have time to have a hot cup of coffee. These days I feel pretty for about 10 minutes. But I still end the day with unidentifiable stains and my hair in a ball so Zoey doesn’t pull it out.
To top it off, 8 months post-partum and just now is my face breaking out and my hair is breaking into baby hair. On top of that, I’ve gotten lazy and tired and I cannot even remember the last time I worked out or went for a run. And on top of thaaat, my daughter is still nursing every two hours, so I still feel mainly like a food source.
So to the mama who doesn’t always feel beautiful, I’m with ya.
And before you start thinking, “oh my gosh, this is the most vain post ever! Make up and real clothes shouldn’t determine your beauty.”
And you’re totally right. It shouldn’t. Let me be clear that I know without a doubt that no matter what I look or feel like, I am a cherished and loved daughter of Christ and the beloved wife of Dan. Going without showers and make up has no impact or bearing on those facts, and for that I’m grateful.
(Let me also be clear that I love a good pajama and lounge day as much as the next person.)
But practically, there are a few reasons why it’s important for me to (try) and make myself feel pretty, even (or especially) on days when I don’t. And a few practical things I do to accomplish this.
Why Is It Important For You To Feel Beautiful?
When I was little, my mom was a stay at home mom. She would be in sweats all day, but when 2:30 rolled around, she went upstairs and would put on jeans and a little bit of make up. I remember asking her why she did this one day, and she said she still wanted to look pretty for my dad. (I was like, 7, so I was pretty disgusted.)
Fast forward to my own marriage, and I value this tip so much. Y’all, Dan is the sweetest man, and he tells me I’m gorgeous in my sweats and 4 day old hair. But I love him, and I still want to impress him sometimes, and I still want him to look at me and think, “wow, my wife is so pretty.” And not in the she’s-the-mother-of-my-children-so-I-appreciate-her-beauty type of way (though this is great), but in like the “dang, my wife is HOT!” kinda way. Ya know? I think it’s important in marriage to never stop trying and pursuing your spouse. It doesn’t happen everyday, but putting a little time into my appearance is a way of me pursuing and trying for him.
When I put in a little effort to feel pretty, I feel better about myself. Duh. But this translates over to my parenting. And maybe that’s wrong, and maybe that’s super vain, but full transparency here- it’s just true for me. I feel less harried, more put together, and a little more ready to tackle what happens. This isn’t to say I don’t lose my cool with make up on. That’s ridiculous. But feeling positive about myself translates into positivity in my parenting. I can’t really boil it down much more than that.
How Do You Practically Accomplish This?
First, and quite obviously, I take a shower and put on a little make up. This doesn’t happen every day, y’all, but I certainly have learned how to take advantage of Oliver being in preschool and Zoey napping. Even if I don’t have time to shower, throwing on some eyeliner and mascara, earrings, and something other than pajama pants (yes, yoga pants count), help me feel like I accomplished something that day.
Secondly, I exercise. Listen y’all, there are so many ways that different women feel beautiful. If you don’t wear make up or own jeans, you can obviously still feel beautiful! I feel pretty after working out (ya know, once the sweat and beet red face dissipate a little bit). I feel strong and confident and this makes me feel beautiful, no make up or anything. Rarely do I have time to both exercise and shower in the same 8 hour span, so this is good for me!
Thirdly, I put on real clothes! Even if I’m not going anywhere, if I’m having a downer bleh day, I just get dressed. All the praise hands for my fave trendy online boutique Pink Blush for having the most comfortable, pretty, and functional clothes around. This top is a bit dressy, but I can throw it on with jeans, boots, and a vest, and it’s a super cute outfit for some errands, plus it’s still comfy enough to nurse Zoey (and it feels like I’m wearing a pajama top). Putting on clothes tremendously helps me feel put together and like I can conquer the world.
Listen, mama’s. Everyone is different. If you feel beautiful in pajama pants all day and rocking that 6 day hair, kudos to you! You’re beautiful! If you shower every morning and full face make up every day and do your errands in high heels, bravo! If you live in active wear and don’t even know where your jeans are, you do you! This is not a post to judge any other mom’s who feel beautiful in a different way- this is to share my experience. This is to share that sometimes we don’t feel beautiful, and that’s ok, but sometimes it’s ok, even good, to make yourself a priority. Ya know, in between the tantrums and the crying and the whining and the playing with your kids stuff.
Have a phenomenal day,
Top was received courtesy of Pink Blush, but all thoughts and opinions are my own.