The Mom Identity

My favorite song to run to is Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”. While Eminem isn’t my usual music genre of choice, just try stopping running when listening to that song. You can’t.

This has no relation to the post today, other than that I’m talking about not losing yourself. Not a strong tie in, but I’m going with it. Also, the title from this post is because I only a little LOVE The Bourne Identity. Again, just going with it.

Throughout my 3.5 years of momming, and especially my 2 years as a stay at home mom, I’ve heard some things. I’ve heard people talking about how important it is to get out and have things outside of momming, and I’ve heard people suggest that being a mom should be enough for this season of life.

don't lose yourself in momming

My response is YES for both.

I was nervous about staying at home. I was so excited, but I knew my personality was never really a “stay at home” personality. A few weeks after Zoey was born, I knew I was going to have to figure out something, and that’s when this blog was born, which led to my photography business being born.

Both of these things have revolutionized my life. Not just because I’m doing things differently than I have before, but because I found things I loved and was passionate about and began actively pursuing them. Hear me on this: I LOVE being a mom. It’s been the most life giving purpose, and I am beyond thankful for the privilege of raising these two little humans. But honestly? Sometimes it feels a little life sucking. 

Becoming a mom gave me a new hat to put on, a new identity to have. But I didn’t want it to become my only identity. Because besides being a mom, I’m still Alex, and I have wants and desires and ambitions. While I’m in a season of life that doesn’t allow me to pursue that as hard as I may want sometimes, I still deserve to go after that. I deserve to be able to build that part of my life.

staying your own person through parenthood

Being a mom may slow this part of my life down, but it definitely shouldn’t stop it.

One day, my kids will grow up. They won’t need me to take care of them. When that happens, I don’t want to learn that I have to rediscover myself. I don’t want my mom identity to crash because that’s all I have. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving being a mom and being committed to that. But when it ends, as it will, there has to be more.

To take it in a little bit of a different direction, as well, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Staying at home is pouring into my kids Which I’m so grateful I can do. I wrote a post about how guilty I felt leaving the kids (read all about that here), but I’ve learned how much better of a mom I am after I spend time doing things that fill me up. Even though photo shoots and weddings are work, I feel so relaxed and filled up when I come home. I absolutely LOVE it, and being able to do a passion fills me up so much. When I’m filled up, I can easier focus on my kiddos.

don't lose yourself in being a mom

Sometimes it’s not even anything big. Most of the time it’s not anything big. Most days it’s as simple as going for a run when Dan gets home from work. Something that I enjoy, a small break, something that is fulfilling for me.

So be a mom (or dad), and be a great one. Love it and savor it and soak up every moment. Just remember that you’re important too, and your wants and ambitions don’t have to be pushed to the wayside. You can be a phenomenal and committed parent, but you don’t have to lose yourself in the process.

I’d love for you to comment below and let me know some things you love to do just for you! It’s always so fun to hear what people are interested in!

Have a phenomenal day!

mom blog, lifestyle blog

Exploring identity as a mom




  1. Shany

    December 10, 2018 at 2:32 pm

    Loved reading this post! This topic has been on my mind a lot lately. I go to yoga classes to find some me – time. The weird thing is, I have to make myself go because I know once I’m at the studio I love having the time for myself. But even though I know it’s good for me (and for my kids too because they get a well rested mum back and time with dad/ grandparents doesn’t hurt) I always catch myself finding excuses why I shouldn’t go or why my kids need me. It’s really annoying and I blame mom guilt for it. I think it’s up to our generation to encourage women to not feel guilty when doing something for themselves. Sorry for the rant, loved your post 🤗

    1. Alex

      December 10, 2018 at 4:16 pm

      Thank you Shany!! It really is so hard to beat the mom guilt- keep making yourself go, and I think eventually that mom guilt will start to fade, and you can start to look forward to some time for yourself! Good luck! 🙂

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